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    Home » Motherhood

    Motherhood Monday: Postpartum Depression & Social Media

    Published: Apr 21, 2015 · Modified: Jun 3, 2020 by thekitchenprep · This post may contain affiliate links ·

    When I was scrolling through my own Instagram account a few weeks ago, I noticed something: my pictures of life with a baby do not always reflect reality. I mean, sure, there's a reason why I spare you from the diaper explosions and {our, collective} crying fits. {You're welcome.} But the end result of trying to depict life in tiny thumbnails can also be also a bit deceiving.

    One of my favorite bloggers, Julie from Willow Bird Baking, once wrote a post about "social media real talk" that struck a chord with me {not that that's unusual, many of her posts do}. Real Simple also started a movement called Women In Real Life, where women are encouraged to share photos of the not-so-rosy moments of their days. I love these reminders that what we see in a newsfeed is an edited version of someone's reality. That it's not the whole story. Because we are constantly being bombarded with images that can make it easy to compare or question if we are/do/have enough.

    So, here's some "real talk" for you on this Motherhood Monday: Being a mom has not come naturally to me. I've had to work hard to get to the place where I am right now. And I'm sorry if, in the excitement of capturing a moment that fit into the mold of what I've hoped motherhood would look like, I led you astray.

    Because yes, there have been beautiful moments in my story, but there have also been so many tear-streaked, heartbreaking, doubt-filled ones that filled in the gaps between the ones I've shared publicly.

    These past 5 months with my baby boy have been an eye-opening time for me on many levels. I'm still processing it all little by little, and our story is "to be continued" indefinitely. But today, I'm here to tell you a little about my own personal experience just in case you, New Mama, find yourself scouring the internet at 3 a.m. hoping that you are not the only who is struggling between the smiles you post for all to see.

    Truth: It's Not Always Love at First Sight

    This was my profile picture on my personal Facebook account.
    Did you know that a woman might not instantly turn into a giant mushball of maternal love immediately upon giving birth? Did you also know that that same woman can still be a good mother? You wouldn't think it was possible from scrolling down your Facebook feed and seeing post after post written by mothers who wax poetic about their unpreparedness for the amount of instantaneous love they felt for their children; a beautiful testament to parental love, but a hard pill to swallow for those who struggle from the beginning.Even though I've always had very realistic expectations of what motherhood would have in store for me personally, the truth is that deep down inside, I hoped I'd be wrong about how I'd truly feel once it was all said and done. I hoped that all those people who told me, "Just wait until he's here. Nothing else will matter." knew me better than I know myself. I prayed that I'd automatically fall head over heels in love with my child the moment I laid eyes on him; that I'd suddenly be perfectly content with spending my days rocking a tiny one to sleep.

    But if you ask me truthfully if I felt this way immediately after giving birth, I'd have to say... no. This is one of the most difficult admissions I've had to make to myself, so you can imagine how hard it is to put in in writing for the world to see.

    The moment that Cole was born, I did have that rush of adrenaline and endorphins as I stared at his tiny, wiggly body. It's hard not to after the experience of giving birth. I immediately felt a sense of responsibility to care for this little person to the best of my ability, even if that meant that I might be slightly miserable while learning to do so. {Ahem, breastfeeding.} When I looked at my sweet baby boy, I felt a lot of things: pride, amazement, protectiveness. But I also felt some things that you don't often read about: disconnect, fear, doubt.

    I had a baby, and instead of my heart exploding out of my chest with love as many claim it does, it continued to beat steadily {though maybe a bit more rapidly with anxiousness} in its rightful place.

    Though worries began to bubble up to the surface, I was able to suppress those feelings for the first few days after his birth, mostly because I and was too busy keeping up with his day-to-day needs to give it much thought. Soon, all of my helpers went back to their normal lives and we were alone. Just Cole and me. And suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the truth -- that I didn't instantly bond with my baby. That I wasn't sure that I ever would.

    Truth: Depression Can Look Like Productivity

    Exactly 3 weeks after I had Cole, I received an email from someone asking if I'd be interested in guest blogging on her site because it seemed to her that I could offer some words of advice about "finding the balance" in being a working mom. As flattered as I was, I also felt a bit like a fraud, knowing the truth about how I was feeling inside. I must have been doing a good job of making it seem like I had a clue.

    That was the first time I realized that I wasn't doing anyone any favors by keeping it all together. On the outside, I continued to blog, snuggled my baby, smiled for pictures and yes, posted to social media. But on the inside, there was an ugly avalanche of self deprecation happening that only a few people knew about. I was not taking care of myself. I literally survived on Christmas cookies and adrenaline for weeks {which is probably not uncommon, but also not advisable}. Worst of all, I was avoiding facing my problems.

    From left to right: Our first date night after baby {1 week postpartum}; Proving I can still bake. {1.5 weeks postpartum}
    Holidays still happen when you're depressed. {2.5 weeks postpartum}

    You know what I discovered I'm really good at during this crazy time? Keeping busy. Not the good kind of that makes you productive, but sneaky kind that is really just avoidance in disguise.

    To say I hit the ground running after having Cole would be an understatement. Getting back to "normal" was my way of exerting some control on feelings that I had absolutely NO control over. Keeping busy meant I didn't have time to think, because thinking would make me sad. When there was "quiet time" I'd begin to feel myself sinking into a dark, scary place. A place that told me that I was not worthy of this precious gift and that wasn't a good mother because I didn't feel like everyone described I would. A place that I'm not familiar with because I'm a generally happy and positive person.

    So... I just kept going, going, going.

    Though I knew that I still didn't feel right, I chalked it up to hormones and lack of sleep -- certainly not "the D word."  I had always assumed that being depressed looked like days filled with tears and dark rooms and hiding under the covers. For some people, it does. {And don't get me wrong, there was productivity, but there were also tears. Lots and lots of tears.}

    One particularly overwhelming afternoon, I Googled "postpartum depression." And wouldn't you know it, I felt like I could have been the author of many of the stories I read. I learned that it was completely possible to be depressed AND functional... in your own dysfunctional way.

    On one hand, it was frightening to me that I could be struggling with depression; on the other, I was relieved to find that I wasn't alone in my experience and there was hope for feeling "normal" once again.

    Truth: The Truth Shall Set You Free

    Shared on Instagram on January 20, 2015. {2 months postpartum}

    You see this picture? It's one of my favorite pictures of  Cole. Not because he looks adorable {though he does}, or because it shows a genuine moment of goofiness, or because it happened so unexpectedly that it elicited the first real laugh that I'd had in a long time. I love it because it's the first picture that made me feel like what I thought I would feel as a mama. It was also the first time I made public mention of the fact that I had been struggling emotionally. And both of those things felt amazing.

    There is NOTHING wrong with sharing the cutest, most swoon-worthy parts of parenthood in pictures as many do. The only problem with doing so is that those images of gummy smiles, angelic sleeping faces and chubby little thighs create unspoken standards and expectations of what things should be like. And if your reality doesn't match up with the snapshots that are emblazoned in your mind, then it's easy to begin to think that something is wrong with you. But when you find that you're not alone, there is instant comfort in knowing that someone else understands.

    After I discovered the Postpartum Progress website, I felt like a weight had been lifted. When people would ask, "So, are you just LOVING being a mommy??" I took it as an opportunity to share the truth and heal little by little rather than as a dagger to my already tender heart. My response is not always what people expect to hear, but I am happy to say that the response that I've received has almost always been supportive.

    "Real" pictures can be beautiful, too.

    Caption from my Instagram: "Super Tired Sunday". These cuddles look sweet, but they're the result of late night visit to the emergency vet for our very sick pup, a restless baby that couldn't get into a deep sleep, & an anxious mama that gave up on rest. A sleepless night in our household may give way to an unproductive day ahead, though there's much to do.

    Most importantly, the support I received from my husband, friends and family was what started to set my world straight again. By the time Cole was about 3 months old, I was feeling much more equipped to accept my feelings and move forward. Once I stopped punishing myself for things that were beyond my control, I was able to start enjoying motherhood as I hoped I one day would.

    Truth: Love Conquers All

    The more I thought about it, the more it made sense: Some of us fall in love instantaneously, while others develop a slow, deep love that comes with time. I didn't even fall in love with my husband right away! {We were friends for two years before we even dated.} Loving Cole slowly did not mean I loved him any less. And belittling myself for having my own unique experience?? Pointless and unproductive.You know how I know that Cole is loved, even if my love for him didn't start like I thought it should? He studies my face and smiles a toothless smile of comfort and happiness. He has outgrown much of his clothes, filling out quickly because he is fed regularly {thanks to both breast milk and formula, in case you were wondering}. He soothes almost instantly in my embrace. {Unless he's having a moment. It happens.} He sleeps peacefully, with his arms spread out to his sides like he has nothing to fear.

    Real smiles. {5 months postpartum}

    And he has every reason to believe that he is safe and loved because -- no matter how it looks in a photo or on a newfeed or to someone walking by -- it is THE TRUTH.

    Note: Postpartum depression is different for each person who experiences it. A woman struggling with PPD may require medical or psychological evaluation and assistance. Though I did not seek professional help or counseling, many people benefit from doing so. It is important to judge each instance separately and do what is right for you and your family.

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    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Anonymous says

      April 21, 2015 at 6:55 pm

      Hi Dianna,
      I think it's wonderful that you have shared your story - thank you. I love how you were able to tell your story; but you clearly stated that all stories are different, and there is no "right" or "wrong". Quite often I will read stories of post-partum and they almost mock women who did not experience it - you were lovely and diplomatic and you truly see.
      Although I cannot say I identify with your whole story personally - I do admit in my earliest days of parenting, I had more than a few moments of sheer panic when I wondered how on earth I could possibly take care of a child! I was prepared, but the reality just knocked me off my feet - which just goes to echo your point, even moms who do not experience post-partum, certainly do not sail through those early days either 🙂
      Social media can be quite the beast. If we were to share the lows, we would be "complaining", if we were to share only highs, we'd be "bragging", if we share an equal amount of both, we are undoubtedly doing something else wrong. The important thing to always remember when reading social media is that things are taken almost always as advertised, and one has to use their imagination to read beyond. For a light comparison, I have taken tons of gorgeous food photos... but they have tasted awful 😉
      Keep smiling!

      Reply
    2. Dianne Hall says

      April 22, 2015 at 7:14 am

      I love this post- beautifully written. Cole is lucky to have you as his mama 🙂

      Reply

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    Hi! I'm Dianna. I used to think cooking had to be complicated to be good, so I never considered it "my thing." Now I know that's far from true, and my mission is to create & share easy, mouthwatering recipes - from weeknight dinners to simple bites for entertaining - that anyone can make! Join me in my South Florida kitchen and let's get cooking!

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